January 24, 2015 - Carry around a bag of flour for the day

When doing preliminary research one what to do for this month, I came across things that many people have done to prepare for having a baby.  Some have carried an egg around, the goal of which is to not let the egg break throughout the day.  Some have written blogs about their preparations (like...THIS GUY!)  I even saw people wearing fake stomachs to empathize with their partners growing bodies.

One of the best things that I saw, however, was something that I don't remember from my high school experience. 

It's an infant simulator.  It is meant for high school students to carry around to show them how difficult carrying for a child really is (and hopefully discouraging them from doing the thing that creates said baby).  They cry, they have to be fed, they cry some more, they have to be changed, they cry.  You know, all of the fun stuff.  I'll forgo my thoughts on using this as a sex-ed tool ("Don't have sex kids, because you will get pregnant and you will die"...yup, that's Mean Girls).

 Unfortunately, I was unable to get one of these simulators.  Something about me not being a "student" at the "high school."  Thanks a lot, Puritans...

What I did get was the next best thing.  Carrying around a bag of flour is a tried and true baby prep activity.  Gene attempts it on Bob's Burgers (and ends up raising a toilet). Niles does it on Frasier, in his usual Niles way.  I figured that I could do the same.

I went with the 10 pound bag to make it more of a challenge.

I called him "Biscuit" (he was a bag of Southern Biscuit Flour, after all).  And I carried him all over town.  I took him with me in the morning to the Chili Cookoff at the Farmer's Curb Market (which resulted in a very smelly rest of the day).  I took him to help friends move furniture out of their old house (I set Biscuit down then, he looked like he needed a nap).  I took him with me when I went for a walk with Merlin (I think Merlin will like it when Biscuit is a real baby).  I took him with me when I went shopping...

And I finally got to use the top of the cart like it is supposed to be used.

Now I know that bags of flour are different than a baby.  But this exercise helped keep my attention focused throughout the day.  And it's amazing how heavy that 10 pounds can get when you can't put it down.  But Biscuit was very well behaved, and I'm hoping that Nugget follows his lead.

I got a lot of funny looks while I went through my day, and I deserved every one of them.  After all, a grown man carrying around a bag of flour screams "I've gotten away from my helpers, call the nice men in the clean white coats." But after explaining what I was doing, I got a lot of smiles and a lot of laughs, and a lot of words of congratulations.

The little old lady that I buy flowers from each week smiled and said I didn't need to do that, that it would just come naturally.  Thanks, ma'am, I hope it does too.




Bonus Preparation-

Movie Review: Nine Months

 

One word: awful.  Just awful.


Hugh Grant plays Samuel, a typically neurotic 90s guy who gets his way-too-good-for-him girlfriend Julianne Moore pregnant.  Oh no!  A baby! That will ruin everything! Oh my, I'll have to sell my Porsche and blah blah blah.


Seriously, just bad. I didn't laugh once, and for a comedy, that's a deal breaker, ladies.


I didn't even learn any pregnancy tips, other than don't get into a fight in the delivery room.  Damn, there goes my plot to have Nugget's first image be a barroom brawl...