As I mentioned in my previous post, I cannot empathize with a baby in regards to what it feels like to wear a diaper. I have not been so addicted to gambling that in lieu of getting up from my slot machine I've elected to wear an adult diaper instead. I've never worn space diapers during a cross country drive in a botched kidnapping attempt (looking at you, Lisa Nowak, you crazy astronaut you). I'm not a regular visitor of DailyDiapers.com, which is apparently a web playground and THE premier community for Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers (people who find pleasure and enjoyment from wearing diapers and watching other adults wear diapers). To each their own, I say, but it has never been for me.
But in the spirit of this blog, which was to prepare for having a baby and all that comes with that, I decided to change that. I know that being a dad will push me out of my normal, and I know that I will be faced with gross and gag inducing situations (the thought of changing a diaper for real is enough to give me the heebie-jeebies, but I've been told that I will get use to it). I know that being a dad will bring with it all kinds of embarrassing and uncomfortable situations.
Wearing an adult diaper yesterday fit those conditions in spades.
Now I know that there are many people out there that require wearing adult diapers. They have incontinence issues or bladder problems. I by no means want to slight them or make fun of their circumstances. But for me, as someone who doesn't suffer from this kind of thing, it was rather embarrassing to put a package of Depends on the checkout belt. I almost wanted to tell the clerk that it was for a blog, I didn't actually need them. Somehow, I figured that this would be worse...
This the the type that I bought, and before heading out yesterday to watch the Packers beat the Cowboys, I put them on. They were made of a mix of plastic/cotton/Lycra kind of material, which resulted in the most ruffled underwear I've ever worn. I am in endless awe of Elizabeth for not fleeing for the hills when she saw what I had brought home, and for sticking with me when I decided to go forward with wearing them. I am leading some kind of blessed life if I get to have this kind of love in it.
The diaper crinkled a little bit at first, but once it was on you couldn't tell a difference. It didn't restrict movement like I thought they would have. It didn't bulge out or make it obvious that I was wearing something a bit odd under my jeans. It didn't rustle when I walked (I've made more noise in corduroys). It didn't feel too hot, and it didn't itch. I was a little embarrassed at first, but once I was dressed and out the door, that strangely faded away. I didn't think about it at all really, it was just another garment that I was wearing. In fact, I forgot that I had them on for most of the day.
That was, of course, until it came time for a bathroom break. My friends at the bar had razzed me for wearing them, and rightly so. They had laughed (a little uncomfortably, like I had wandered away from the institute where I was being kept), and they good-naturedly ribbed me for it. Couldn't I have just put them on and then taken them right off? Sure, I guess I could have done that...but would it have been as funny?
But here it was, the reason for wearing diapers in the first place, the moment of truth. Could I sit there amongst friends, in a crowded bar, and relieve myself? Could I comfortably sit in a puddle of my own waste without drawing attention to myself?
The answer was...NO! Of course not! Are you kidding me?! I'm not a crazy person! I don't see how anyone could do it. Not to get into any gory details, but I have problems going when anyone is around, let alone while I'm sitting in the middle of an entire bar full of people. There was no way that I could do this! I excused myself and used the bathroom like a grown adult.
So, I'm sorry Nugget, but I will not be able to join you on this part of your development...because I've already been there. I've done that. And once I got through potty training, I never looked back. You'll do the same one day, I'm sure of it.
But to start, you'll have to be the weirdo with the bag around your butt.
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